More to deal

I’m a dark child, I tend to stay out of people’s way, be my own best friend and learn that most days I always feel in the wrong, lately it’s harder and harder to express myself, for so many reasons. 1. Which feels probably irrelevant is that I’m a November baby, I’m a Scorpio, and even though I don’t follow the astrology part of it, the personality aspect of it is pretty spot on. Most of my life I feel like I don’t even exist, barely understood and that’s just the way it is. I live in an Era where you can’t really express your thoughts or opinions anymore because they are always met with pure hate and malice, it tends to be suffocating.

I always spent time trying to understand why love or maybe the whole deal just seems to escape me, why happiness seems only book relevent, you right it down and it tends to be your reality. When it comes to relationships people often find themselves saying it should come naturally and you shouldn’t have to force it. That saying is a mask for people who in short are basic, we at some point get entitled or show that they should be. People walk in the sun only to be burned severely by it. I guess naturally I feel that way, deep donend I don’t depend on others and I stay to myself because you don’t get rescued, the distance you go is the distance you make and maybe I’m not making or putting enough distance in my life.

I feel like I struggle not because I’m a man or 31 or gay or having hiv, or even being black. There are days some more than others that I’m just blunt have my own way of doing things and have expecations and I get sick of sitting in the corner with the dunce cap looking at everyone else live. The saddest part of living sometimes is knowing that it’s not that people don’t care it’s that life is so short sometimes that you can’t afford to feel like you wasted any of it, cause people want to be more than ordinary instead of 100% all the time. Everything is a show.

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