I’m having those days again where I’m just inside myself, in my own thought process. Trying not to drown and not go dark. I sit meditating, where am I at in my life. I wonder now, that when I feel so lonely have I built the bunker that has my walls so thick I can’t tell when it’s safe to come out, and shine in the sun. When the depression surrounds me like a suffocating sandstorm, and I find my eyes heavy and tired can I find the strength to keep moving. Where am I moving to and am I looking for success or failure? When I’m naked what do I cloth myself throughout the day? Success or failure? Could I be playing the game that everyone else gets caught up in, or am I leaving to handle my business and walk that road again.
The older I get I wonder what’s next, how long will I live with the expiration date on my chest? How far are my footprints in the sand, can I still see them walking a straight line or have they veered off in so many directions I don’t even recognize them? I find now that I have more questions about myself and what type of person my character looks like when it’s examined. I feel to comfortable falling apart, letting the world fall on top of me, the are days I feel as though I’m fighting out of my element and I feel like my battle lines are being pushed back. Some days I feel basic, just not original anymore, sometimes I want to lift and inspire, help others fell as good as I once did, we’re I’m trying to get back to. We do what we have to, I stick to my medication and keep from anti-depression medication and anti-anxiety medication, I have seen others take them and that’s a bridge we all cross and for each one of us we to decide what’s good for our overall health. I battle, and struggle to keep going, my message is to never loose your way, don’t feel ashamed for anything you feel and experience. I have been off work for too long and it’s driving me crazy, until next time.