For so long i did not realize that I had a serious problem developing in me. This clawing urge for sex, i remember my first sexual experience, how often i wanted it, how i couldn’t wait to have it. I did not realize a lot of the things that i was doing to myself. I had a hard time trying to function because i wasn’t engaging in sex. It has been my outlet for virtually everything, being frustrated, alone, I would have sex until i burned out, partner after partner, as many as i could have. I had a ten year break so i often wonder if my addiction still counts or if that was sobriety, excluding the masturbation?
I just remember meeting a young guy on CL in my small town I was twenty-nine at the time, I just felt like i couldn’t keep a lid on it anymore. I had sex with a guy who topped me and usually that I did, right on the apartment floor in the next room with a people in the living room, I took off my glasses in hopes that I would not be recognized in the future. In my head i should have never been there in the first place, it had people in there. I just knew that once i started I was on a roll.
So now I talk it out with a therapist and unfortunately he has to tolerate my extreme horny nature, being 32 has me feeling that I don’t want to be centered around sex with nothing to show for it. No healthy relationship, single ans screwing around, I would prefer that not be the reason why I exist. I would love to get a handle on this, work more on myself and live for the thrill of the game of who is sleeping with who, no one really cares except how your going to treat them.