Patience, there is a reason for it, when I meet my therapist and I know that I have codependency issue I know I need to evaluate why that is. I heard for E.L. today, that put my mind at ease, In my mind it registers that he is dog tired and traveled most of the day and you would think i wouldn’t freak out. I do, and that is my own insecurity, I have many, who doesn’t. I was interesting that I saw a meme on my facebook feed and it was talking about not blaming the world for our problems, its a horrible thing to do that we need to fix our problems, and I see some truth in that. There are things that we can fix, issues that we need to fix.
I am not a patient person, I live in a space in my head that wont let me feel at rest when I do not hear from someone, I immediately feel i did something or said something I shouldn’t. I have certain approval issues, all pretty much men related in some categories of my life and in general wondering if I even exist. Most of the time I just depressed and very tired, I have been laying around a whole lot being unemployed, I think with this time out, and more reflection what I really needed to see was patience in changing myself and my situations.
I want to be great, epic even if possible. I want to have love and meaning behind those precious letters, love. I need to not fear what will happen next in my life. When I see others, I still see them better than myself, It hurts and its maddening, because I feel that my life would be better, for me I have felt as though I am not much of a man, that i am not important or less useful because I am not married with kids. So patience, its what I need to build me up, be better feel better so that I don’t doubt my worth or how to take chances and and strive to be better.