What am I doing with my emotions

In my mind I think that i maybe acting rational, I know that, it may not be the case. I think I am loosing my edge on reading body language and social cues. I am projecting my fear on to someone I say I care about, he doesn’t understand by my behavior why I am texting him somewhat crazy. Also he doesn’t really ask either and I know that bugs me to, not because of anything i gave or did in his behalf, I just don’t feel as though we are communicating enough, that it has me questioning where I stand with him. I thought I said enough to take care of this, but maybe I didn’t I don’t know.

It has me thinking why I can get messages from R.W. even though we are just friends, I interact on days I may not be interested, but that can be a good thing, the second I put that situation to a close I wonder why I am not getting that with him. It hurts, and I feel like I am forced to step back because I have no direction to go off of, when it when it comes to E.L. I don’t want to end up being like every other guy, a fuck boy, they fun guy your fuck because that is what they are there for, the momentary pause in between finding what your really looking for. E.L. did say he would date me again, so I hold onto hope, cause my situation with guys is pretty epic dog shit, now before i scold myself to hard, I have next to know dating experience with people in general, how to act how to chill out, when people are being real and when they are not, I do not enjoy feeling as though I have no idea whats going on. For me its one thing to flirt, or hook up, its another thing entirely to wonder whats going on


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