Between sex and love

I felt as though there was someone calling me out of my sleep, not the type of morning I intended to have, I checked my tablet to see my mail, got an offer for a three some last night that I didn’t see, I was sleeping. There are moments that have me wondering how these people know each other, how can they pull a 20 year old out of thin air? I realize then I am getting off track, my goal is to stop needless sex, the kind that doesn’t get you a relationship or the guy that I am after. My goal always seemed to find the a great looking genuine redhaired guy date settle down get married and all that jazz. Doesn’t always go down that way, when sometimes you find better men than I originally thought.

Call me crazy, there are days it really does not move me to want sex with just any guy, I want E.L. I have wanted him for some time, I don’t see him as someone filling in for who I really want. I have felt over time that I desire him and want to be with him. I have not thought that far ahead as to what’s next if he doesn’t want me either, it can happen, I personally wouldn’t want that outcome. That’s why I feel it necessary to move out of the sex catagory of my life. Sex has been fun, I just want to know a balance between love and sex, know the difference. Just have one person to go home to, learn to date without sex, learn about someone and be OK with that, not have Sex define my relationships with people. How freeing that would feel, I will have to touch on Sex and race soon too, it’s been a hard type of situation to deal with as well.


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