Simple rant

So yes, I happen to be that current unemployed guy, who keeps putting in those applications and seems to not get much traction with it, I am sure I will.  My biggest problem right now is family dynamics, it’s easy to say we love our family and we bump heads alot, right now we are under one roof, and even though I am unemployed I seem to get alot of stuff to do, most of which I do without being asked. My dynamic with my mother seems to be the worse, no matter how many skills I have its just not enough, I am horribly tired of feeling that I have to be on the defensive and ready to wave her away from my personal space because she doesn’t do a damn thing to learn to be self sufficient.

People need to stop saying they are independent if they are looking towards my skills for something they could pay and learn about, or go to one of those home Depot classes. My lower back has been hurting for days, and it’s a bit much today. I feel it in my right kidney, and it’s uncomfortable to move. Every time I have to deal with her I appreciate I suck dick, I do not want to be in a relationship with anyone of the opposite sex, especially if I have to deal with getting no help from a woman either, this is not a jab at women as a whole, we as men and women just know what we won’t tolerate in each other.

Me in the people department is not going really well either, I think I am ignoring my feelings because I don’t want to get more hurt than I already feel right now. When I try to engage in conversation with E.L. I feel as though I am gettin put off, everytI’m I think we are good and that we could get closer, it’s like the chain on the door that only let’s you see so much, but still keeps you left on the outside, that’s where I feel I am. It takes me back to the same beginning questions, is it my race, my age, my housing situation, is he embarrassed of me, or is he scared of telling me he isn’t into me? For a time I thought he might be married to a guy he used to date, I just didn’t know what to think because he just won’t give me much. Then I feel nothing but insecure, having to deal with all of it at the end wondering what’s next. It’s not easy feeling a connection to someone, and then wondering what’s going on. It’s always two ways with people either love is easy or your fighting for it, and to be honest I don’t get it.

I know that between fighting with family and not gaining friends or potential people to date I don’t feel really good I feel depressed. That’s why I don’t like trying to sell myself, that’s not how you get to really know anyone, that takes time, somethinks I feel as though I am running out of.

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2 thoughts on “Simple rant

  1. This is great, dude. It’s good you’re writing, especially because it’s not expected of you. Unemployment is such a gift, when ever I go through a round of it I try to learn something new, like juggling or card counting so by the time I’m old, I will have put time into different experiences and probably look back at the unemployed times as the best times.

    Like

    1. Thank you for taking the time out to read my blog, and post a response, I agree that writing has helped alot, it has helped me grow, and create a safe space for myself and hopefully more people to express their own life truths.

      Like

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