It is month six of this year and I feel closeer and closer to just emotionally loosing it. I feel like thereading is just a huge hole in my life, I feel like the more I try to put myself out there, the more I harden in a bad way, I feel anxious about meeting new people, I just don’t know how I will be received or if I am going to be liked. Between burning alive due to my addiction and trying to just talk to people who for the life of me I just don’t understand, people and how being so quick to get offended is a new normal concept, that all I do is take a look at myself and wonder is this the matrix of my life and where is the pill I take to get away from this polarized disaster I call life.
I feel like shit, I wake up and see that my life is not growing, I am not growing, I feel that my presense is an annoyance to people, I know I am deeply depressed I am not in denial about that, I just wonder how I just grew to be so deeply fucking unhappy that my life reflects it in some of the most demoralizing ways imaginable. I just get by pretending to be happy, I wonder if I even know what I want in life, or if I have the strength to climb high enough to get it…I just have no idea what to do.