It feels good, this change that is going on in my life, it feels like a prayer answered I don’t want to test it, I just feel like I have some self control in my life again, I had to let go of some folks and not by much choice at all, but that is another blog for itself on that one. I feel like I have started over and i don’t want this feeling to go away, it’s as though I stepped out into the sun and it burned off all my regrets and past mistakes, I still have the bat sit crazy dreams from time to time and my eyes have been abnormally dry, I have to say it feels great not feeling intense moments of being attracted to men and just keeping my thoughts focused. Cause its good to feel hungry but it’s for spiritual growth and that’s what I need more, I feel like I am growing as a person too, because I can get so wild and out of control when I binge on porn and I don’t like that version of myself so I just really need men in an entirety out of my life, and that shouldn’t be so hard because it all in my head and that’s a battlefield.
Still I am happy and that is a great feeling to have as well to be able to express. It does not mean I don’t accept my reality I just want more for myself something even more real, building a relationship with someone who has mattered even more to me but that connection has been one of the hardest ones to just focus one, my relationship with God.