This week I read a post from him linked to his twitter and he talked about why he quit asking hookups if it was OK that he was living with Hiv? When I read that it really resounded with me in an amazing way. For such a long time we happen to be at the mercy of public opinion and usually it has not been a good thing. When I sat down and read this genius I understood that, how long did we need to exist with people being able to control our happiness, and after a while you either give up or you work your situation to your benefit. New scientific information comes out almost all of the time and people are no more educated than they have been ten years ago, even five. I hate that even in a technological age people who have sex uneducated about all of the risks going in still judge those living with hiv who are educated in their health and how to have sex in a healthy way and people are still running scared, and rejecting those who have their lives together and have put the work in.
He helped me see that validation does not come from other people who just dont have a clue and think they exist in the clear, people are still having unprotected sex and continue to judge the sexual habits of those living with hiv, its just wrong. It wasn’t until I saw a firecracker of a question he asked, “Are you up-to-date and in the know about what undetectable means?” It put the light on, it is so simple and really puts the ball in the other person’s court, to me I saw it as how well do they really know whats going on out there and are they being responsible about there own sexual activity. To me that question did mean like he said, that you could keep your dignity and if they could not answer the question then what do you have to loose anymore, no one really has to feel humiliated, no one perpetuating stigma, and that we can transition to something better. That is what we really need, a transition to something worthwhile and a chance to be met on the same page as everyone else has, to meet on the front porch on equal footing, and smile with happiness to look at someone else and realize that they chose you and were happy to do so. So before thinking that living with hiv means you cant have happiness think again, cause those times are over.