Fuck me, but most of all fuck you!

Fuck me, yeah let start with me, fuck me for having problems, being depressed all of the time, fuck me for still being single and not having my life together, fuck me for not taking bigger risks and going out and having fun. Fuck me for daydreaming about relationships and I should just go out and get one. Fuck me for feeling empty each and every time I had sex after you. Fuck me for not being relationship material, fuck me for not being wanted. Fuck me for being so slow to grow to not live up to my potential. 

Fuck me for pretending to be so happy and interested in things going on in people’s life when my souls is slowly turning black every time I have to hear and see how happy their lives are. Fuck me, because I don’t believe my life will get better and I need it to. Fuck me for thinking that people play nice when it’s not really possible, fuck me for being so easily forgotten. 

Fuck me for feeling like I don’t fit anywhere. Fuck me not being man enough, fuck me for feeling like I have to hate everything about myself and still wanting to find a way to share my feelings with someone else. Fuck me because I hide who I am out of fear and rejection because I don’t think people would like me if they really knew me. Fuck me for feeling all of this and just not letting it go and walking away in the first place. Fuck me for asking to be someone that you could talk to when you never did, fuck me for still being emotionally damaged and in my feelings, when I have reached out and done everything I thought I could to be your friend. Fuck me for deliberately choosing to to stick around and hope we could be together. 

Fuck me for not realizing that all I was, was nothing more than a passing black dick, just like most of us are. Fuck me for thinking and acting like that is all I could be, just some black on a list of people who’s I don’t remember before or after you. Fuck me for letting myself feel more than I should after another guy broke my heart so throughly.

So now fuck you, for not investing more in me, fuck you for having me around and acting friendly when now I see I don’t mean shit to you. Fuck you for telling me all of the things you did, because you thought I would run. Fuck you for not believing in me. Fuck you for running off and leaving me behind acting like I don’t exist. Fuck you because you have to hide and pretend that the more you hide the happier you will be. Fuck you because even though I am in your corner still cheering for your happiness, I can’t even say congratulations on your facebook page which I said nothing that I should be ashamed of but you needed to delete a whole damn post to hide, so above all else even though we dated for a three weeks, and you broke up with me and I still took you to the movies, and other places and even though we still fucked I did not force you and you could have said you never wanted to see my black ass ever again. It should not have taken moving states over to be free of me. Or the guy you were engaged to. 

Fuck you for living up to the gayest part of the gay community, that people don’t exist after you have no further use for them. Fuck you, because even though I never wanted to see it, you were not good for me, and I am glad that you have your shit together but you don’t get to shit on others too. So finally fuck you, because your out of my system and I really needed a wake up call and a reality check, so I can stop feeling anything about you and hurting over you, so fuck you and have a great life cause just like Taylor Swift you inspire Bad Blood.

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