I do not know what to do anymore honestly, I am just sick of all of these guys just being plain useless shit and I can’t take it anymore. I feel like I am turning into the non dating type, relationships that should work don’t feel like they are and trying to be friends is not working either, it just a swamp full of shit men who put on this pretense of liking you but what they really want is a relationship on their terms, and they say all of the right things to hook you in. Have you convinced that things are ok and they are not, they are simply horrible and yet men feel justified and entitled to treat you like a free ass uber, and that is worse.
I just got a text message asking where I was and I could have answered it, but I ignored it, because you don’t ask me to wait 30 minutes so we can hang and you blow me the off don’t even respond nothing then hit me up at 2:30? Really?! It’s played out, and I am the idiot riding along with it, parking up the street waiting on you to show up, and you wanted something real from me as long as I pick you up and drop you off far enough to your liking. It’s code and I know what it means, I am tired of getting the text messages to show up and fuck. I am not trying to take care of younger men who don’t have their own footing yet. I want someone who compliments me, why is that so hard? Yet I can find trash men and fuck boys in abundance?
I am trying to change my life because I refuse to be that guy who fucked his shot at happiness away. That even now I am wondering if I already missed my shot, or if I need to keep trying. It’s scary not knowing what to do, or how not to lose hope, and feel that it’s possible to come out on top.
I have been living in depression for many years and I am trying very hard not to get swallowed alive. Trying to change my life and out look, letting myself grow into someone I like, at best it’s a tall order. What do I need to do to be happy?