I have been having some great conversations with my therapist, one question that has come up more than once has been going to another church that will accept that I am gay and not have a problem with it.
I had thought about that, but I went to a funeral years ago, over a decade, and to listen to the priest talk was super foreign to me, the whole set up was too. You go to places of worship for answers as best as you can get them. What I know I can’t unknow it, it’s a part of who I am And I can’t just go somewhere else to appease my feelings or my wants there’s so much more to understand about my life and how religion fits into it. I want to be better at that also means admitting that there is more to my life than being gay, that there is more to my life than religion to, they are just oil and water hardcore and there is no real way around it. That’s the problem.
I sound like severe teen angst, but this is really simple, I am tired of lying, I know I say it constantly but really think about it. We don’t tolerate lying in our every day lives yet we want people to tolerate lying about who they really are we don’t want people lying in relationship but it’s socially acceptable to lie about who you are and were supposed to be OK with it that in itself is a real problem. I wish honesty were something cultivated but it’s not like it used to be, we don’t demand it anymore, we want to comfortable, and that’s why I can’t go to another church, what I know is me and how it makes me feel is good regardless of everything else I am not getting to do.