Every time I feel like I want to just see what is out there I feel some relief to embrace a part of myself when it involves men and I feel like the weight is lifted up and I also feel guilty because it shouldn’t be that way but it is and, it’s like the closing a door and walking throw another one and my head, my mind is the space in between. I feel foolish, I feel bunches of negative things that I wish I didn’t feel.
On the other end, trying to be spiritual means I face not being some woman’s husband because it doesn’t work like that. Then I have to remember my love of men prevents that from being possible. It’s like being on ground zero inside of yourself all of the time. I would say it’s not fair but life purpose is not that, at this time to be fair. So I walk in the small spaces in between.