There is really so much to learn, to take in and in this moment my emotions are wrecked. I sent an email to my therapist and the answer I got back was really not what I was looking for, it did not feel like it was what I needed, I just knew he was busy and I just wanted to put my thoughts out there.
It took part of the morning to realize that it was really not displaying a humble attitude at all. I need to work better with my support system and get out what I am feeling. This past weekend turned out good, I had just felt so out of place. My heart and emotions feel off balance. I just regret my actions afterwards, I ‘am feeling like trash, all I had to do was keep going, the pills have been working I have been under control and I messed that up, that’s why I will have to work harder now to get some balance.
I have been in this continued cycle and I don’t feel good, I have no idea of what I am doing or still trying to accomplish. There are days that I really need to remember what I am trying to accomplish, to be better, sexually sober and not in these cycles.
I need to be happy and appreciative that I can deal with myself with antidepressants, it’s better than how I was feeling and acting before hand, it was horrible, I just want to stop being and feeling horrible. I feel disconnected and real awful, it’s those moments that I question my existence, where I am going, if I’m getting any better. I have got to get off this path.