Today I don’t know

You know when you get to that point in your life, when you want your life to be interesting, and you just don’t know where to go or how to get there?

I feel like I am at that place all over again. I still feel as though I am trying to find a better version of myself that is not wrapped up in sex, and I feel rejected inside and out. I feel like I am rejecting me and other people inside and out because of my insecurities. It hurts feeling as though I am standing still and nothing is right.

I feel like I just want to be left alone, that I want to just fade away. I feel like a really bad person just because of who I am and all of my life experiences and choices, and it sucks, it really sucks, when life as a whole had turned its back on you. That who you once were and who you are have never really been enough and I don’t know where to cut the cord.

I can’t be a part of people’s lives where I don’t fit and really shouldn’t be either, but I don’t feel like I have grown into the person I should be and feel, so I don’t feel I should be there either.

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