12-4-2017

It’s December, the year is on its way out and I still want to have sex with my counselor. Today I have to focus on getting insurance and there is stuff to do with that.

It’s just sometimes when I think about sex with my counselor, I feel like I want rough aggressive sex with him. I often feel weird about it because it feels like this whole tree of sexuality seems to branch off more and more. At times I can’t get it out of my head, also I have writers block so I want to move past that as best as possible.

I am still trying to figure out where I am at, and how to grow. I am at work and kinda feeling like I am losing my mind a bit. Sex feels like a mix of colors, at times when I would like it to be colors side by side, having some form of personal space. I really don’t have that, I feel things are still mixed and I don’t how to separate it.

Right now sex and gay feel like situations to get over and not really talk about. It’s hard to separate, this I have noticed, it’s hard to be honest about it.

It feels like I am a disappointment, connections are still based on masks and it bothers me from time to time.

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