I don’t knock therapy, but I also have come to feel like you should learn not to get comfortable. I wanted to fix things and ultimately fix myself. I just feel like I get passed along and that therapy has become ill equipped for a wide range of things they need to be able to handle. It couldn’t handle my sex addiction. It didn’t take long for the new person I was seeing to say yep that’s a thing and we can’t help you but here is someone else.
I had things I wanted to discuss, but I can’t because like therapy and gay men once your out, it’s time to go elsewhere. It hurts putting yourself out there for a professional just to get cut off. Most would say that getting connected somewhere better is a good thing. Maybe so, but when you don’t get to make the decision, it feels like abuse. I come to get healed I go to open up and it’s like guess what, time is up. That’s just how it is, one day you have a man’s full attention then you just have to go and the walls and boundary fence comes up.
Today feels better, working instead of being stagnant, been reflecting and wondering how I can come back and get counseling at the place where I get all my other services, but I don’t know, it was good to see my previous counselor, but it was hi and bye and it was disheartening, because then I have to feel like his life is better without my drama in it.
It’s March, and I have been writing in to a black podcast basically giving reviews for Scandal. It feels great to be writing, it feels good to be in a space that has allowed me to write and take advantage of their generosity on the podcast. I just try to be myself and use my voice in an informative way, I feel that this is keeping me happy and mentally balanced.
Even though I am without a counselor right now I am still using the tools he gave me, I still have real crappy days, yet realizing that I have a potential that I want to find out what it is and grow and cultivate it. Also I am feeling more spiritual in my life and it has been working out. When I have needed direction I have received it, that’s a good feeling to experience.