I hear you have been moaning and groaning about being lonely and not having a relationship, you have been bringing downt the moral and it’s time we had a talk. Your inner voice needs to tell you the deal.
Hey mister, why do you want a relationship that you have proven to be ill equipped for? Why do you run from yourself? Why are you treating yourself like trash? I thought we were better than that?
I know you have had it tough like so many but why are you settling? Cause I know your smart but somewhere in that head of yours, you have convinced yourself that your situation is too big for people to handle.
Why are you so scared of who you are, when you are running the streets anyway? I know why, it’s because so many chances have passed you by and you don’t know if you can trust yourself to just let guys go and not choose a hook up over a possible companion. Yet I have more to tell you because I am not finished, it’s more of your daddy issues creeping in, where he would go off and your brother ran wild and you were all alone with thoughts so abandonment is also a key factor in why you won’t just walk away from a fling.
So now we have to talk about your addiction, cause I know that with with men that have left your life, from childhood friends and your parents divorce and possibly moving to California, you my friend the body in which I live in has never been the same. You broke and change is a big part in which you fight and you don’t deal with it well, because any time you have to focus on you, you screw, and you push it to the limit. I know it doesn’t help and you have to deal with it because your in emotional peril and I can’t let you do that is any more.
Letting you hide, letting you enter people’s lives the way we do hooking up and hoping that it will get better you know it won’t, until you let me be a part of you, yeah you know who it is, that gay part of you that you wish away, and yet you crawl into bed with me when it’s convenient and drive me off the lot and then you want to feel bad and hate what you have done and want to be better.
If that’s what you want then just choose and be happy, cause everyone else see’s it all over your face no matter how well you think your hiding it your not, and your bad at it. I still love you when your convinced that your trash and don’t love yourself and you don’t think you will ever deserve love from another person so love yourself hard as hard as possible, and let’s not forget to respect yourself too because you don’t realize that you can be doing so much better when you don’t focus on other people.
Your sex addiction, it’s always going to be there and until you manage it my friend you will be settling for way less than you deserve and allow yourself to be abused emotionally to all kinds of people, not because your nice but simply because you feel you should be treated extremely poor. Don’t give your love to others who just can’t return it back, and than means you need to learn the difference and Trina yourself all over again. People will use you up in a heartbeat and just not care, it just a shame that it’s how things work now a days.
Also as much back seat driving as I have done, your therapist is right, and has helpful advice, so don’t be scared to follow it either.
Lastly and most important, your relationship with your God…love your God and remember he has been holding you down since the beginning and has not given up in you so don’t you dare act like you need to forget who you worship, I know there is more conflict than you want to admit or feel that you can live through living your life, but I feel it’s bound to get better and that you need to hang in there.
I am glad I had this talk with you even though I know it was one sided and I just needed you to listen, we should talk more, love your inner voice, be kind and spread love.