In my feelings on a Monday

I was on twitter yesterday and I came across a poll done by a white man in the UK who asked if white people feel they face racism, the only reason I saw this was based on a person I am following.

I pressed no, and was actually surprised to see that in the 90% so many said yes, and that lead me to believe, that something is actually wrong about this because 1. To many white individuals have been in the forefront of causing racism towards other people it was really hard to fathom, that they feel that way. Also I would need proof and examples because that’s what it takes most white folks to believe anything and even after that there is heavy bias on that.

So the person I follow said yes and said he wrote a paper on it. I stated that I only believe it effects people of color and not white people because of how it’s has been used, prominently as a tool of power.

He followed up with, so if a person shouts an offensive slur and it never effects you again it’s not racist?

I replied how does that hurt them? Put them in danger? Or how does it play a part in history as a sense of injustice to them?

So he continued that even though it’s not on a wide scale that to say that a particular group is immune from racism is dangerous to say, because people of color can attack white people to.

So I had to fire back and say the dangerous angle that he was putting out there is that people of color are on equal footing when it comes to racism, that it goes beyond slurs, it’s laws, it’s practices, and statistics that back it up. I continues to go on and say that when people of color mind their own business and are harassed and assaulted by a white person, I failed to see how white people are crippled and endangered by racism that he was making a case for.

I continued to go further by saying that since Trump got in to office attack’s on people of color have gone up.

Then he gave me a half ass link, so I replied , and he didn’t like my answer because he proceeded to say I was being a hypocrite and looking at things from a double standard.

I told him nothing in that story that he sent me gave me cause to see it was a case of racism, it was only until he sent another one, then I saw that, that particular case was.

If I was not so upset and in shock, that I was being confronted by a person of color on a poll done by a white person.

The more time I had to meditate on that, the more I realized, that I should have stomped that, when he came out and said “it never effects them again.” That’s the whole point it doesn’t effect them past their occasional hurt feelings. The fact that I had to pull an example out of him because it was not going his way.

Further more it made me loose complete respect for him because of the fact that, I disagreed with the poll but I did not get an explanation for why that particular man felt the way he did.

I am tired of the fact that white people get a pass for not doing or being better and I am upset more because I didn’t make a better argument of my case, and I feel like I backed down and it made me feel very negative about myself.

When it comes to racism it’s not just some agree to disagree, when blacks people have been killed in more numbers than they should have, but how quickly it’s overturned by one case of a polish man getting beat nearly to death. Maybe I have lost sight of the overall context, of hurting people.

Advertisements

New Mondy

I still can’t believe this is happening and I am not talking about Manafort getting scooped up.

It’s work, and the best laid plans that change, it’s going into work and knowing that the space that your in will be under more stress, that more people could leave, that my insurance is running out tomorrow, and just getting my life together is another thing entirely.

Why are we always about the exit, if he left and I happened to be hired on first I would still be hurt but have a permanent position.

I still think that’s naive thinking on my part because it’s been said we are all replaceable, and that’s what I always need to believe, also I feel as though I failed him, I should have kept a better eye on him, helped more, or am I just stupid to that and he would have left anyway.

I don’t know, I wish I did, but at the end of the day I need to do better in my own life, that the circle of trust gets smaller.

Unforeseen changes

I was caught off guard when I found out the my “supervisor” in HR stopped working here as of today. It was a complete shock and, it felt like a bit of being betrayed, and even though I am single and a temp worker at this job, it put me in a bind because I have not even been hired, he approves my paycheck, and I am working on these projects and now he is absent.

What makes me really mad is that it always seems as though if your a family man of some kind that, I would have ventured that at times that would translate into work life. It makes me think of what am I doing and what is my leadership going to come from now that your gone. It also grinds me gears because I felt like wow I am connecting in a way with a person from HR, that challenged me in great ways to be better, it just feels like a serious let down because men are a complete let down and low and behold, it rings true. Well not all but, I just got ambushed and I am mad, I am really mad about this and I feel like how do I go forward and what happens if other folks want to check out at this job? Or the new HR person is a total monster, then what?

It always seems as though it’s an oh well type of situation, I am just so tired and aggravated about this whole thing, I am tired of having to make concessions for other people’s situation when they are low key making moves to roll on and I am hurt and over it.

God is not trying to bless America you blood guilty hypocrites

If you think candles and singing God bless America is going to get you blessings and favors you have lost your damn mind.

Why would God want to bless a country who won’t lift a finger to quit murdering their own people and shrugging their shoulders about it. Guns are your idols and Gods, so who are you praying to, I know who it is, it’s the devil.

Your God is the NRA, and your hands are drenched in blood, you protect your god with all your might, and commit genocide in its name.

What business do any of you have to be out their to petition God for a blessing from this sin? 59 people died, 500+ people are injured. One man and a weapon that normal citizens have no business possessing.

No amount of candles or singing will wipe the blood off of any of you! To argue so hard to be so selfish to have every weapon that people can get their hands on has not worked, it has killed more people.

That’s how this works, break records, many dead bodies, debate, candles, pray, forget, and repeat.

People are monsters and it’s more apparent that race, and fear play a major role when it comes these issues. The bottom line is that guns are more important than people and that the second amendment is now more powerful than the first.

God and Jesus have left this country a long time ago, why would they want to help the people of the lands I reside on, when they have no empathy for anyone other than themselves.

Almost 30 sober

Yesterday I came close to sex but it didn’t happen and for once, I just didn’t care or get upset at all, it’s just a test that will keep coming every once and a while. Still the problem is, that I wanted it and was willing to go for it.

It just didn’t happen and I feel that I am better for it. It feels easier and I don’t loose my mind trying to hook up with folks or fight situations that are just not worth it.

So I am going for the sober route and also putting my libido on the shelf as well , so that’s not bad, I think if I focus more on intimacy I should be alright and I can put a smile on my face.

Rest In Peace

Hayes

Found hung, it was a message I had to read from the mother of his daughter. So young so tender in years that she will never get to grow up with her father in her life. Life has been hard on him and have a record and getting past that is not easier either. It gets hard to hold back the tears and taking time out to say the things that needed to be said.

I feel this entire world failed him. We are always told to pull ourselves up, but let’s be honest, it’s against so many people and it’s too easy to give people a reason shut people down, force them to give up. I have never been in his position or wonder what was going on in his mind that death was the answer.

I understand it, when you get to a place that you would rather be dead than feel like you failed your child, maybe that was it, I don’t know because unfortunately I did not know him like that, I did not invest in him like I should have.

8/16/2017

There is so much craziness going on in the world.

Trump and his mouth

Trump has been vocal since Obama was president and now Trump has been looking very weak, and showing the very core nature of how he is and what he believes. I am not surprised when he comes out under duress to do something he does not want to do, if that is how he feels he should not have become president, he should have minded his own business and moved on.

He is officially the worst president in the history of this country and has made previously bad ones from 1 year to 8 years look better than previous. When history looks upon Trump I hope they see how his very nature further corrupted a country.

So this “both sides, many sides” rhetoric is trash. When these terrorist came out and started attacking people the night before they were about trouble like their predecessors, let’s be truthful, side by side comparison.

He bullied his way into office and showed the very savage nature that has been fostered in people for generations. He doesn’t look presidential he looks defeated and vacations way to much. Everyone who gets involved with him must be stressed and drinking because the amount of crowd control they do is titanic.

Charlottesville

All about a racist preservation of horrible ideology. Which seems to be the biggest oxymoron for when some Americans say that slavery is over that we’re past racial issues. You can’t be over something that still exists and is in your backyard. People died others were critically injured and for Trump to be in the office of presidency and won’t bring himself to not be corrupt or be a human being for one moment is something that all I can do is give the side eye emoji 😒 and roll on. It’s called “The United States of America” what part of that do people don’t understand 🤔?

People still talking about their views should still be heard, you loose that right when you come out like a mob of terrorist with tiki torches and chanting like they are ready for battle. Then the next morning they came out with guns, and shields and clubs and beat people, shot off tear gas, and also used a Dodge Charger to commit vehicular manslaughter. That right there alone tells me there is nothing that needs to be talked about. Everything dealing with the Confederate needs to go away and become a mute subject forever.