8/16/2017

There is so much craziness going on in the world.

Trump and his mouth

Trump has been vocal since Obama was president and now Trump has been looking very weak, and showing the very core nature of how he is and what he believes. I am not surprised when he comes out under duress to do something he does not want to do, if that is how he feels he should not have become president, he should have minded his own business and moved on.

He is officially the worst president in the history of this country and has made previously bad ones from 1 year to 8 years look better than previous. When history looks upon Trump I hope they see how his very nature further corrupted a country.

So this “both sides, many sides” rhetoric is trash. When these terrorist came out and started attacking people the night before they were about trouble like their predecessors, let’s be truthful, side by side comparison.

He bullied his way into office and showed the very savage nature that has been fostered in people for generations. He doesn’t look presidential he looks defeated and vacations way to much. Everyone who gets involved with him must be stressed and drinking because the amount of crowd control they do is titanic.

Charlottesville

All about a racist preservation of horrible ideology. Which seems to be the biggest oxymoron for when some Americans say that slavery is over that we’re past racial issues. You can’t be over something that still exists and is in your backyard. People died others were critically injured and for Trump to be in the office of presidency and won’t bring himself to not be corrupt or be a human being for one moment is something that all I can do is give the side eye emoji 😒 and roll on. It’s called “The United States of America” what part of that do people don’t understand 🤔?

People still talking about their views should still be heard, you loose that right when you come out like a mob of terrorist with tiki torches and chanting like they are ready for battle. Then the next morning they came out with guns, and shields and clubs and beat people, shot off tear gas, and also used a Dodge Charger to commit vehicular manslaughter. That right there alone tells me there is nothing that needs to be talked about. Everything dealing with the Confederate needs to go away and become a mute subject forever.

#NoConfederate deal with it

Many people have taken serious issue with shutting down a show on HBO that has been green lit by two white producers with two black writers. The premise of this show is that the confederate won and now it's being brought to modern day.

Here is where there is a serious problem with this, apparently people have not been paying much attention to the fact that most of this system in America is still against black people from education to voting and just about everything in between.

Time after time if it has not been with movies it has been with shows and awards shows that has shown, white creators are too slow and resistant to change in this country and that people of color are not going to swallow a pill and go back into the matrix, it's not happening.

Donald Trump is the live action manifestation of why a show like this should not take place, where black people still get shot by police, or are the police and get villanized for the same actions white officers have done.

Here is the reality the trust is gone and I for one will not support a crap terrorist show like Confederate which has ties with the KKK, a terrorist organization. It's dumbfounding that for people who can talk about race, want to drag black people into a show where all the dreams of the past come true. Funny I thought this was the "United States" I thought we were getting over slavery?

This is the most divisive program that they could think of and have Beyoncé hell for her super bowl performance. Yet people still to this day think it's ok to terrorize black people and that's ok? That is not something I want to watch, when I can watch it for free on the news.

Or here hear about how 12% of black people are involved in crimes (hard eye roll). The fact that people are surprised that the black community are trying to shut it down before it gets off the floor, really don't know or understand black people at all and that's ok, because we know that a majority of you are not even trying.

If you don't understand that black and confederate are a no go then, that's your problem and it says way to much about the ignorance that is white society and the indoctrination it has over many people today.

HBO needs to grow and get smarter about its business practices, this was not just appalling but grossly inappropriate. Trump is the reason why we have Confederate, it is the rotten stench of trash that has plagued this country and black people for far to long and it needs to stop, it needs to go away it needs to not exist.

It's plainly evident that white content creators are obsessed with slavery down to this day. That they want to continue and keep alive the same terrorism that existed before we had to deal with ISIS, that's what this show looks like.

For the people who think we want or need this or would go out and promote white slavery, we are not stuck in the past like you are, there is a future and we see ourselves in it, so why your too busy creating content from comics to sci-fi, it's amazing how much of that imagination doesn't include us and that's a mistake on your end not ours.

7/18/2017

I am feeling the struggle, sexual frustration of life and it’s not a good feeling at all. Things are weird in my life, and I working on trying to get to a better place. Just have to keep moving as best as I can. 

Eric, if your still out there I am sorry that I got mad, said a number of things out of anger and I miss you.

Life feels like hoarders, your always moving from some sort of trash in life to get to the other side.

Emotions, know better

I played myself, I let that sinister anime smile come out, I convinced myself that speaking out is what I should do. Yet do I have the strength to stay in my lane when I need to. People talk to me about letting their demons out, foolishness, you have never acquainted yourself with evil to understand it. It’s not just a construct about the human condition or the rage one feels. 

It’s not just danger or the fight or flight method. If we call our emotions demons then I have many levels and have only unleashed lesser demons. Never the big ones, I don’t use those to fight I use those for the slaughter when my lips release fatal embraces. A tongue hotter than melted metal. Lips that invite danger and air swift and corrosive.

I know that about me and against my better judgement went into battle when I shouldn’t have and betrayed myself to my old nature. How can I grow, when this old skin feels so tight, I am an insult to my own progress. I am slow, I am slow, I am slow, to take beneficial medication and walk away. 

I have a fight and that is not it, yet my emotional demons seek to change me back and the guilt is my own. Foolishness again upon me, how long will I continue ignorant to visible signs of danger? When will I get moving off this road? Will I choose to be strong enough to let go, will I choose the honeycomb or the snakes bite? Have I lost my ability to discern the difference?

Time is short to find a way out and things in this world are changing, so I should never forget which side of the fence I should be on, and where I was today was not the one.

What I fail to see what we could fail to see, is that all of this time all of this fighting is as empty and hollow as calories of victory, always wanting more and never satisfied. I won’t fight for that so I need to remember what is worth me time. If I must fight, fight for something with justification and meaning.

When people are not getting the message

So I follow a variety of people on social media. Now what I need to do is not tap in and at times take my own advice about moving along. Now here is my problem, white folks say they want to make America better for everyone, yet they want to dictate how it happens, they say stop spreading racism, which their definition is name calling. 

So then new tool used by white Americans is your racist, it’s this new age taking point also couples by tag in a friend for a tech lynching on social media, because I said something to you and my friend is free to jump in. The only thing that tells me and what I have seen is this, you have a degree in talk solution not action solution. What I would like people to understand, is that enough of white folks are not making enough headway, it’s like your not even trying, and not everyone is going to explain it to you, that is a fault of your people for not caring. 

I get tired of seeing how many people are ready to argue at a point that a person of color makes and it’s usually by personal experience. When I can get called racist from an overwhelming amount of white peoples who voted for Trump, that tells us that the race war is still on and we don’t plan on changing our ways. People like to play the victim card and double down on what people of color have been doing and saying and how much of a front they take our tone, but your not going out there and addressing the problems, or bothering to lay down the foundation. 

People are trying, the point is you call for back up to defend your honor instead of looking at the big picture. So here is the honest truth. White folks have ground to cover and it’s not going to be easy. Yet that is your yoke to bare, not people of color. 

Also it’s amazing that all the while your steady calling any person non-white with a opinion you don’t like racist, have you ever let it cross your mind that it’s into response as to how people have been treated? You can make America a better place when you stop arguing with us and listen and accept that we are people trying to live. 

When you think it’s about revenge, and you bring out that talking point that is your way of not wanting to do a thing to fix the problems that exist. That says you were never interested, you don’t listen and your not aware of what’s going on. That what is the most disappointing thing in all of this, your feelings come first, like they always have.

The most frustrating thing is that it’s these majority people I come across that think and act with these old white ways make white peoples making a real difference look bad and makes progress slow, I know I have said this, but this is the facts. 

I did not choose which society or class or race of people that I was born into, yet it never absolves me of doing better or being better, something that wasting energy arguing with that kind of people has taught me they are not about change or putting in the work.  The people who are listen and find ways to make things better.

What will help me is staying away from those talking points yet it’s hard when that’s where it is. 

I know I can’t talk to people when they are ready to deflect with your a racist with no real context at all…I am done.

Twitter comments 

Scrolling through my feed and seeing a popular podcast and comic book enthusiast dealing once again with being called a racist all because people don’t understand the roots of the comic book characters that idolize come from their own place of privilege. From Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne, young men who inherited their money, had influence and power, granted intelligent in their fields, yet Batman and Ironman are not always for everyone because they are rich white men that people of color don’t relate to. 

It can be a tall order trying to reason with someone that you can make a character relatable but some circumstances don’t always apply. At times people don’t take into account how these character are symbols not belonging to everyone, take Captain America, beloved ideal hero, white and reflects a white American, he may have been played by someone black in comics but even that has backlash, why? People and our unwillingness to be open, that some of these characters are mantles that should be able to change, still it’s the outrage that reminds people of color, people like me they were not always for us and still fight to have that acceptance that we are American today.

The Punisher, he is also white, and despite his background is a white man who exacts out justice as he see’s fit and most killers that have plagued the news have had his poster up I their rooms, it’s that type of entitlement that shows he has a right to do what he does, and if you tried to change him the outcry would be as big as Iron Fist. 

We love what these characters have developed into, but their existence what drives them is something else entirely. Not all struggles are the same and it’s taken not just a diverse comic book characters but people who understand who are willing to learn about people who are not white and can live from poverty to affluent and be relatable.

The all to common thing is that your racist because you want or expect more or see a character that doesn’t exactly scream mainstream to all people. The funny thing in all of that is that comics use people of color in their comics and then go to movies and don’t bother making sure they are represented correctly. Their movies have been proof of that they don’t listen and the only representation that matters is the one we’re given.

Then you have people of color who are complacent with white characters that are relatable on the surface, but how many rich people of color go on expeditions like Laura Croft a white British woman, who is rich and is connected to do those things, and feel that race doesn’t play a factor. Can we still enjoy these games or comics yes we should not doubtedly but that is not enough. You get better by testing boundaries and taking risks and working towards better goals, not using basic reasoning of create your own, if that is the case then don’t use any people of color because you don’t represent us in a way that honors us, I am sure that would make comics very boring. 

We have responded well to character that are thought out and do us justice. Yet white People have complained on he most basic of arguments, there are not enough white people where are they, truth not where most black people are and that’s a fact sad but true.

So I got called a racist

I don’t like or appreciate how people have to bring Jesus into their white arguments about black people or to support Trump who is not Christian in word or deed. When you call them out your racist and When called one, I called that person a Satan worshippers and left it at that, I am sure it was a shock. It’s interesting that Trump would t take a seat at the table for the NAACP when invited but black people need to go out of their way to address Republicans and the fake gestures of inclusivity. That not only tells me that some white people dont pay much attention to anything that isn’t white and that is and has always been the foundation of white racist rhetoric. They don’t like that we play by their rules and now they are on the loosing end of favor, sucks to be them and the people who support them. 

So if they think pulling their version of a racist card is going to work, it won’t those type of people lack the efficiency to pull that off. It’s just good to see them as frustrated as black men and women, Asian men and women Latinx men and women had to be, I am sure that’s no fun. 

Admittedly it feels just as bad to roll around in vomit with these individuals who don’t care to know better, I am better than that but there is a pleasure from it that some white people have had for a long time, having to defend their views, their existence, their worth, their seat at the table, also their relevance.

The hardest part is that with all of the great allies and intelligent white folks I know that they are dragged into the ancient race war that the middle eastern people are involved in, it fules itself and takes away from the harmony we should have, yet unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.

So I choose to make better choices use some self control and not get involved with hyena pack antics.

White American ideals killed Otto Warmbier

This is America’s fault right here, another man in a country that has never been friendly to America in the least. Yet this your white your right attitude compelled him to steal, even though there were warnings not to remove anything, yet he did. Now what was supposed to be a trophy was now evidence putting him away in a North Korea prison for hard labor where he was undoubtedly tourtured, so what was his crime, being a stupid thief and an entitled one at that and it got him killed. 

Dennis Rodman may have picked him up because one North Korea knew he was not going to recover and had no more use for Otto, the only thing that’s sad is that he died on Father’s Day, what’s worse, his parents failed him, home training would have saved his life, yet it did not because when your white and rich in America you live by different rules in this country. North Korea is not The United States, where white skin is valued above all else. Now I have to hear about it over an over, North Korea is not trying to hear about all of that and do not care. They killed a thief trying to start an uprising in their eyes, it was all the justification they needed. It’s a horrible justification but one the North saw was valid. 

Republicans want to practically go to war over one white American citizen who died a thief.

Yet we can not get that same help or outrage for Philando Castile, funny how these stories run hand in hand. There is so much meat there, yet even in Arizona people can cover Otto, but they can’t seem to have the time to give him even a day or five minutes of breaking coverage, back into the shadows he goes. It’s sick and detestable, and we as black people are worth more than that.
I can see why Republians care this much about a thief, it’s how they got this country and it’s how they have operated ever since. It came back in their faces and now they are mad, they are mad because how dare you kill someone white and we should punish North Korea to the extent, no White America failed Otto and they need to come to peace with that. America as a whole failed its black citizens as a whole in their own backyard. Time to see a bigger difference.

When Boomer Banks gets it right

Take a good look at this, take it in and meditate, Boomer who is a Latin man gay and a pornstar talked to huffington post about an issue that has been frowning in the gay community. Gay men as a whole need to see this and realize it’s a problem and work to fix it. It takes a man to realize thee is a problem and speak about it and not be complacent about it.

He is right when people who feel that way don’t belong at pride or in the community because they do not reflect what it stands for, yet can stand directly in the way of others from showing that love. The community should never be at war with itself, yet it is, so how can it fight for its rights as a whole…well we will see.

I got blocked by a gay pornstar and I am absolutely happy about it

Chris speaks out

Chris Crocker happened to be talking about the new colors on the flag brown and black, and went into a marvelous speech about inclusion and fully understanding what’s going on in the gay community, it was brilliant. 

A pornstar liked it and responded, I though wow great, needed support from the porn community. I felt in that moment, it feels great to know that even porn stars who are in some way part of the gay community will speak out in support in treating people equally, I found out differently.

I found out that it’s still the way it has been for too many years. A person responded to Chris and porn star attached that it’s a preference, and you don’t want to wast your time (paraphrasing) and it’s just being honest. I resisted responding because there was no need to, I saw what I liked and rolled on. Comments like those I will not ignore, I speak out against those comments because they are not only dangerous words and still racist to the core coming from white people, because of this countries history with black people.

I spoke up and said I’m more than one entry that it is racist, that there are many factors that you can choose from that qualify as a preference without putting race in it, also that people need to stop trying to float around this word preference and pretending it’s something that it’s not.

I was not talking about that pornstar at all, I had no reason to because they did not bring up preference. I got blocked from that pornstar because that person took what I said as a swipe against him. He got into his feelings instead of seeing it from an adult perspective. If being blocked because I intelligently explained what other options you have besides race then I am happy to be blocked. I would not want to support someone who has a way of thinking that excludes black people. 

White gays need to stop

You have no idea what is has to be like to be able to told your not attractive enough in mixed company, that as a black person and American we are still involved in being not good enough on some level, according to white standards. That has not changed for too many people, it makes intelligent well reasonable white people look crazy with this foolishness. If you have ever wondered or really cared about what the problem is with people of color in the gay community rest assured it’s probably you and what you did or didn’t do and how people of color or the trans or bi community have to pick up the slack because not enough of you care but want instantly become experts on what the gay community or flag should stand for, guess what no you don’t.

I don’t need to hear this…

I have never had sex with a black guy but I am interested…then do it, I don’t know what stops you from maning up and just living and having experiences and learning from other people. In short while I write this and smile, I understand that for some your just to weak to stand up for yourselves and that’s fine, you have never really had to. We should not have to pick up any extra weight from white people in the gay community because you should be willing, which is why I have just felt the need to opt out because in short your like a bag of money of value at some point but worthless when the bag is empty.

Get shipped to Russia

Receive this read…

White gays who think to highly of themselves, think they are owed something, feel the world revolves around them, or feels it’s just preference, you have no value in the gay community or what it really stands for what it’s been built on and can leave this country and go to Russia if you feel so oppressed over how you personally feel. We black people have been doing amazing things, as have brown people as well and your too ignorant to see that, we are winning and doing amazing things, sorry you don’t want to be a part of that. 

We are supposed to be equal and fight for each other, sorry I opt out of being on the front lines for you to be cannon fodder, but you can go to Russia your not needed. You don’t deserve this community and it can do so much better if you specific basic minded people were not in it. It’s sad that everything this community has fought against you have become, because in the name of preference, people preferred that you die and don’t exist, guess you forgot about that preference too.

To that gay pornstar

You can get this read too…

Thank you for blocking me, thank you for showing me that it’s still about white looks and white personalities that you have always been looking for, that personalities of people of color don’t matter, that it gives people in the gay community the same negative energy that brought Trump and Pence into our lives. So this one goes out to you because every time black people have to explain their existence your not for it. Thank you for blocking me because my comment had absolutely nothing to do with you and you took it that way without any clarification on your part. The only people who worry about race are the people who have no more room in their lives or personality to grow. Thank you for having a useless platform and living up to every basic white ignorant fragile stereotype that we have to be next to and thanks most importantly for the block, you and your bf can go to Russia as well, your not needed. 

Your a dime a dozen white gay fucking other white gays and it’s exhausting basic, and it’s exhausting having to look for something better. Try being better for once, instead of benefiting of of other people’s backs like white people before you.

In case you forgot your job is porn, were not talking about your private life, so when your job asks you your paired up with a person of color learn about the person because other gay pornstars don’t have your problem they come to work and I support those pornstars, but hey you could always go independent.

Pulse year 1

It’s not easy to just put into words how bad or aweful you feel for 49 people loosing their lives. I don’t think it’s something that should be so easily expressed. We still live in a horrendous society where bad things are becoming the new norm. Yet my thoughts on this happens to be, what have we learned, will it change who we are or will it just mark an event on pride month to observe. 

The most rational though today is this, have people learned? Do they even want to be better or change their attitudes and feelings towards the community and their bias against others existing in it? I know how I have posted and felt, some how this feels as though I should not be putting my input. Yet I am because 49 people died and I want people to understand and get that you shouldn’t not die for the sake of what people cannot accept. 

I don’t feel as though I have heard enough talk on it, it became a footnote, I think I was the only person who talked about it on Facebook, and only a very few mentions on twitter, maybe I am not following the right people, oh well. Pulse should be a reminder of what hate in living form can do.

I have chosen to keep my distance when it comes to the community for my own reasons, I just though people had more compassion than what they have had, my mistake, yet for everyone else who did, I am glad you said something I am glad anything was said. We should never normalize loss of life in any context.