All of my sins

See, men, sex, wanting it, and myself, have been my problems, I was find before I crossed the line back into porn, it lead to a lot of problems, today I paid for sex, sex that didn’t happen because I was stupid enough to pay upfront and trust a total stranger who went out of his way to take my money, send me on a wild goose chase and ignore my calls. 

This situation is all my fault and I am out of money because of it, I failed myself and though so little of who I am that I needed to be that person. Not only did it hurt, and yes I did report him, but that’s not the point I was so arrogant and naive, trusting and greedy that I put myself in a situation where someone stole money from me that’s hard to come by.

It makes me really want to be alone and stay as far away from men even more, cause I have a problem and the problem is me, it always has been and I am so embarrassed because it really made me look at myself in a way that I really didn’t thing I needed to keep on living, it’s like how could I have been so seriously stupid and reckless. 

Life is less and less about fun and games and it turns into more heart break, let down, regret, and more anger. I had to keep myself from wishing harm upon that person, because I should have just left all of it alone and that’s my lesson and it’s my sin and it’s my fault.